Ah, Spring. That time of year when a young college student's fancy turns to thoughts of love, the sunny outdoors and... when was that paper due? Next week?! I don't know about you guys, but my fancy needs to get in gear.

Show me a college student who doesn't procrastinate, and I'll show you a retired guy who's just auditing the class and didn't have to do the paper anyway.

We all do it; most of us say that last minute panic inspires the true genius within. That's code for "I forgot all about the paper that was assigned 14 weeks ago." In our defense, a college student's definition of 14 weeks ago is 15 weekends and one spring break. That's practically a lifetime. Wars have been won, countries freed and pop-celebrity marriages ended in shorter amounts of time.

How can our hardworking, over-taxed minds possibly keep up with papers assigned 15 whole weekends ago? Glad you asked...OK fine, I asked; but you were all wondering anyway.

Once you realize your shortcomings and embrace your weaknesses, it becomes evident that working with human nature is a lot easier than working against it. So here, for your edification, is the hypothetical evolution of someone else's fictitious paper that isn't due with my name on it to any of my professors anytime soon.

Week one: The class syllabus is handed out and you think, "Oh, there's a paper due, in 14 weeks. This semester will be different; I'm getting all my papers done before their due dates."

Week two through week 12: Good intentions have paved the way to better things to do.

My, how time flies when you're academically kicking your own tush.

Week 13: This week begins well, but a growing suspicion in the back of your mind whispers that you've forgotten something important. Did you leave the oven on? Did you remember to make your tuition payment? Frantic, you mentally search for the forgotten task.

Then, in the dark, lonely night you awaken with a pounding heart and sweaty palms. Is it a nightmare that shakes you from innocent slumber, or a burglar at the window?

Nope, it's the realization that you have four days to complete 14 weeks worth of research and mold it into scholastic excellence. Impossible, you wonder? Wrong again.

College students are biologically engineered to withstand the panic-filled, adrenaline-fueled, sleepless think-fests that are the final days before a paper is due. It is our gift. It is our legacy. It is a good thing we are young and can tolerate caffeine.

Week 14: Exhausted, bedraggled, and half blind from staring at a computer screen for 48 hours straight, you stumble into class to turn in your paper. Genius has once again triumphed; you have finished the race, and best of all, you have six whole days before your next paper is due. That's almost one whole week...

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